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Female Sexual Dysfunction, FSD: Myth or Reality?
Including Three Facts about Male and Female Sexual Arousal.
Have we seriously questioned why 43% of women are supposedly ‘sexually dysfunctional’, or why 70% of women are said to be unable to reach orgasm during intercourse?
There is no question that a significant number of women experience difficulty with one or more of the stages of their full sexual cycle leading up to and following orgasm, whether the difficulty consists of lack of sexual desire, sustaining arousal and/or achieving orgasm. In 2015 following a long and ferocious race amongst pharmaceutical companies which were competing to find the holy grail of female sexual desire; the miracle pill which could solve female sexual dysfunction, the FDA conditionally approved Filibrasen, often called the female version of Viagra, along with its potentially serious side effects.
There appears to be a prevailing belief that there is a common and intrinsic problem with women whose sex drive does not match that of men, and that the solution to this ‘problem’ is a pill. I would like to suggest that female sexual dysfunction is largely a myth arising from a comparison with men. Because the topic of female sexual anatomy remains largely a societal taboo, research on female sexuality has been very slow in getting up to speed. An example is that medical science has completely ignored the amazing internal anatomy of the clitoris. Ever since the 1930’s the medical consensus has been that since the clitoris doesn’t play a role in reproduction it is of no use. Freud declared ‘clitoral’ orgasm immature compared to ‘vaginal’ orgasm, proclaiming that women who couldn’t achieve orgasm through penetration needed therapy. The myth of ‘vaginal’ orgasm which in fact refers to the internal erectile structure of the clitoris, still persists in spite of the groundbreaking MRI studies of the clitoris, the results of which were published by Australian urologist Dr. Helen O’Connell in 2005. The amazing internal anatomy of the clitoris, which rivals the penis in size, is forcing a re-write of anatomy books and a re-think among medical professionals. To this day the clitoris which is the only organ in the human body whose sole function is pleasure is left out of medical books. Perhaps it is time that we all update our education with regard to the female anatomy of pleasure before labeling ourselves sexually dysfunctional.
Meanwhile a significant leap forward in sexual education, science, and equality has recently been made in France. In 2016 an independent female socio-medical researcher, Odille Fillod, programmed on a computer and then sculpted an actual size 3D model of a clitoris. http://carrefour-numerique cite-sciences. fr/fablab/wiki/doku.php?id =projets%3A clitoris#photos. According to The Guardian “The 3D printed clitoris will be used in sex education from primary levels onwards beginning in September”.
Let’s explore some of the factors which may impede a woman’ s capacity to fully experience desire, arousal, and climax before labeling ourselves sexually dysfunctional.
Given the disparity between 45 minutes and 10 to 20 minutes, is it any surprise that such a high percentage of women never become fully aroused and never achieve orgasm during penetration? I think not!
Reducing the beauty, complexity and power of female sexuality by measuring it against existing male sexual performance ignores its extraordinary potential, reducing it to one of simple accommodation of the male desire. We women need to take the matter into our own hands, literally!
Are you personally invested in your own sexual satisfaction?
Many women mistakenly believe that since sexuality is natural total sexual satisfaction can be expected naturally, without any undue effort. That is simply not true. It takes a personal investment of time and exploration in order to discover what works for you in order that you may achieve total sexual satisfaction and have it continue throughout your life. Every woman is unique as are her sexual needs, desires and performance. Female sexuality is a vast and intensely personal playground, with every player having to make her own unique contributions if she wishes to ensure a successful outcome. When a woman honors her own uniqueness her orgasmic potential continues to expand and blossom as she pursues its exploration over her lifetime. Like any other artistic skill, sexual performance needs to be learned and developed gradually and sensitively over time, always respecting and honoring your own unique potential for pleasure.
Let’s have a look at some of the sanctified, normative sexual expectations which continue to perpetuate the myth of dysfunctional female sexual performance.
The myth is perpetuated when:
Think about it. Clearly and dispassionately, free from any judgment from anyone else. Does it make any sense that female sexual satisfaction is necessarily defined by her male partner’s ability to ‘perform’ in other words to remain harder longer? Of course not! How and where do we begin to make the changes which are necessary to overcome the overwhelming and seemingly insurmountable cultural dictates which repress female sexuality by promoting this myth?
Breaking through these cultural barriers requires that we as individuals break our silence and speak out about our sexual needs, likes, dislikes and desires in order to begin to heal the wounds that have been created by simply living in a body-and-sex negative culture. Only then will we take our bodies back and re-write the script of our own female sexual satisfaction.
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Sexual educator, Tantric yogini, international sacred sex and intimacy teacher, sexual healer and author Maryse Coté has helped individuals and couples reclaim their birthright to a joyful sexual life for the past 30 years. Maryse maintains a private practice in Tantra and sexual healing in Victoria, British Columbia. The release of her upcoming book, Be the Heroine of Your Own Myth; Living Sexuality from the Inside Out is expected in 2017.
Superior Sex Practices can be a tool for preventing illness while serving as an anti-aging tonic.
Endorphins are opiate like brain chemicals that diminish pain and generate feelings of well being. When ejaculation occurs before these endorphins have had a chance to be transmuted throughout the whole entire body a man will rip deprive himself off from its of their wonderful pleasure and health benefits. When that happens a man usually feels tired and depleted after ejaculating. coming. In some extreme cases he may even feel depressed for hours, or even for days afterwards. at a time. This condition is known as post coital syndrome.
The time that it takes before the sexual hormones get transformed while flooding the body with their rejuvenating properties may vary. Health and fitness level, age, lifestyle, and whether ejaculation happens occurs through masturbation or sexual intercourse will play a definite part for in the way that this alchemy to will take place. As a start beginning to assist in withholding delaying ejaculation, practice deep abdominal breathing, preferably thorough the nose. Deep abdominal breathing will help release unnecessary tensions which causing cause energy stagnation, while also helping to relax into the build up of arousal. Get Aroused Arouse- Stop – Relax – Breathe Deep -Squeeze ( the whole pelvic floor) – Release and Start Begin again.
Prostate diseases are epidemic. The majority of men will develop an enlarged prostate (BPH/ Benign Prostatic Hypertrophy) within their lifetime. Sometime leading to cancer. Prostate cancer is the second leading cancer on in males. Prostate disorders may lead to impotence, reduced ability to gain and hold erections, weak ejaculations and poor sexual performances. performance.
The prostate which is responsible for ejaculation. Premature ejaculation usually indicates a weakness of the prostate. Could Can this be avoided?
Ancient Chinese medicine practitioners would recommend direct stimulation of the prostate on a regular basis in order to keep the prostate healthy. It was recommended not only to improve the health of the prostate but also to increase potency and to produce more powerful orgasms. Specifically designed Prostate Self Massagers Tools are now available on the market to help facilitate your practice. Whether you do the massage on yourself or you enjoy receiving this massage from a professional erotic massage practitioner or a dedicated skillful lover, make sure you take your time, breathe deeply, relax, and use lots of lubricant!
Sexual Educator and international Sacred Sex Teacher Maryse Cote has helped thousands of individuals and couples over the past 20 years to enhance with enhancing awareness on of the union of Sexuality and Spirituality, of Love and Sex and Intimacy and Relationships. Through her school, Ishtara Seminars, she offers certification training in Tantra & Sexual Healing.
Most heterosexual men’s only association with their prostate is through an invasive clinical prostate exam. They have no idea that the prostate is also known as the “male G spot.”
Whether for the purpose of heath or pleasure or both you owe it to yourself to make friends with your prostate and prevent prostate problems.
Ancient Chinese medicine would recommend direct stimulation of the prostate through self massage on a regular basis in order to keep the organ healthy. It was recommended not only to improve the health of the prostate but also to increase potency and to produce more powerful orgasms. Specially designed Prostate Self Massagers Tools are now available on the market to help facilitate this practice. Whether you do the massage on yourself or whether you enjoy receiving it from a professional erotic massage practitioner or a dedicated skillful lover make sure that you take your time, breathe deeply, relax, and use lots of lubricant!
The prostate is responsible for ejaculation. When a man ejaculates too often or too quickly he depletes himself of his vital energy. Learning to delay ejaculation will help release beneficial sexual hormones throughout the body while optimizing health and vitality. in Ancient Chinese Medicine a man’s semen was considered “ gold liquid” because it is filled with rich minerals, vitamins and proteins. It takes some time for the body to synthesize a tablespoon of sperm which is about the equivalent of one ejaculation. Learning to withhold ejaculation is a powerful way to keep a healthy prostate, increase potency and help produce more satisfying orgasms.
Dietary and lifestyles factors will greatly contribute to keep a healthy prostate. In a research conducted at the University of Vienna some years back with a group of men from four different countries of eastern Europe it was showed how old folk medicine worked miracles for the prevention of prostate diseases. After testing these men’s prostate the researchers could hardly find anyone showing prostate problems. The “secret of virility” that these men shared belong to the old folk pharmacopeia. It consists of eating a hand full of pumpkin seeds a day! Well as they say, the proof is in the pudding!
Pumpkin seed is high in zinc which one of the two major components of a healthy prostate.
High fatty acids are also very important for prostate function. Fish oil and flax seed oil are high sources of high fatty acids. Two tablespoon of raw flax seed oil a day is recommended. Find a brand that you like, use in as salad dressing or to replace butter on toast. Make sure you keep it refrigerated.
Men are often envious at the tremendous female capacity for multiple orgasms, and they usually don’t know that they too can develop their potential for multiple orgasms! Learning to separate ejaculation from orgasm, like any other skill, requires focused attention, practice and patience. It takes time to change old, hard-wired patterns related to arousal. Choose a time when you feel well rested for your masturbation practice. You must attempt to keep relaxing while building up arousal. ??Here is how you can get started: ?
1. Practice Breath Awareness and keep your mind connected with what your body is doing
Deep abdominal breathing will help bring more awareness, aliveness and strength to your sexual organs. Practising breath awareness on a daily basis will best prepare your body to relax into arousal . Deep abdominal breathing through the nose will relax the body, quiet the mind and release stress.
2. Learn to Recognize the “point of no-return” and stop before it’s too late
The point of no return is the point of ejaculation inevitability. That is, when ejaculation is on its way and there are no more ways to control it. Avoid this point until you learn to master yourself. With regular practice of conscious masturbation in which you keep watching for the onset of this particular feeling-so- good-sensation, you will be able to recognize it and immediately stop and relax. There are different techniques which can be used at this point, but essentially, breathing and relaxing will help postpone the point of no return.
3. Activate the PC, the Sacral and the Cranial pumps to loosen up, energize and arouse your body
The The PC pump is activated by the contraction/release repetitions of the PC muscle (the same muscle that stops the flow of urine), while the sacral pump is activated by contraction-release repetitions of the anus muscles. The cranial pump is activated by the natural pelvic movement. When the breath and the 3 pumps are fully activated the orgasmic loop opens up, allowing sexual energy to move freely, triggering the full body orgasm.???Sexual Educator and international Sacred Sex Teacher Maryse Cote has helped thousands of individuals and couples over the past 20 years by enhancing awareness of the union of Sexuality and Spirituality, of Love and Sex and Intimacy and Relationships. Through her school, Ishtara Seminars, she offers certification training in Tantra & Sexual Healing.
Some years ago I wrote an article on women and sexual healing which was published in the Kali issue of Tantra: The Magazine. While the article examined women’s feeling of being disenfranchised and sexually unfulfilled, men also responded very warmly to the findings. That is why I felt moved to write about men with a sense of personal responsibility in furthering our common healing. At the same time, I hope to cultivate an awareness of mutuality between genders.
My purpose here is to explore the many ways how men have also been wounded- such as the lack of sexual initiation, circumcision or social factors- and to suggest some initial steps men can take to begin healing.
I have worked privately with over a thousand men as an instructor of basic Tantric and Taoist practices and as a sexual healer over the last ten years. I have loved many men in my life, including six younger brothers. However, I must admit that it is with a limited confidence that I approach the subject of male sexual woundings because I am not in a man’s body. I can’t access the same cellular memory as when I talk about women. Nevertheless, I have seen, felt and heard men’s woundings and the unnecessary suffering that results from having a penis.
Attempting to understand how a man experiences himself as a sexual being requires that we take a closer look at how we’ve all been wounded. We’ve all been victims of a socialization and discrimination process which defines our sexual identities and roles. We are seen only as either a “man” or a “woman. Eventually I came to understand how gender roles hurt everyone. Before being seen as a human being with very individual characteristics and choices, we are being labeled by our genitals as a male or a female and treated accordingly within our culture.
To be a “man” in most cultures requires the “person with a penis” to be a performer and provider. Men are are trained and conditioned for these roles from an early age. The core of this macho training is a denial of the full range of emotions and body feelings. As Robert Bly says: “Contemporary business-life allows competitive relationships only, in which the major emotions are anxiety, tension, loneliness, rivalry and fear. Having no soul union with other men can be the most damaging wound of all. Much personal power is given away in the process of denying one’s true feelings.” (1)
Competition, success, ownership and external rewards become the foundation of Superman pseudo power.
Since emotions are categorized as “something for girls” young boys learn very early that:
A: it’s not okay to feel like girls
B: there must be something wrong with being a girl
C: to be a man must mean he has to be strong, to be in control, to not show feelings and to see himself as superior to women; misogyny becomes identity.
This conditioning insidiously crystallizes the male role of performer, hero, macho, provider, achiever and doer. That’s how we transform a human being into a human “doing”. From that place of isolation from his true self, he becomes an easy prey to a system that only values external rewards such as success and ownership. Competition becomes the rule and the way to relate to other men. The degree of his denial of emotions and bodily feelings may lead him to extreme abuse of power, greed, destruction and violence. Wars and the destruction of our natural environment are just examples of such denial.
An interesting study of Warren Farrel, Ph.D. further points out that “men are socialized to want sex as long as one condition is fulfilled: physical attraction. Women are still taught to be sexually cautious until two, three or all four conditions-attraction, respect, emotions, and intellect- are met. Many women add a fifth and a sixth condition:- singleness and status/success. Many add a seventh, eight and ninth: the man must ask her out; he must pay; and he must risk rejection by initiating the first kiss, being the first to hold hands, and so on. Men feel as if their expectations are so much lower than women’s-there is only one condition-and they can’t even meet that. And so men feel sexually powerless.” (2)
While men are focusing on physical attraction and external rewards, internal rewards, such as communication, intimacy, love and commitment, remain unsatisfied. Lack of sexual fulfillment results in powerlessness for both men and women. Rarely do we think of men as sexually powerless mainly because we associate the male phallus as the symbol of sexual power. I see this powerlessness manifested in many ways. In my work I constantly encounter men having premature ejaculations, difficulties with erections, lack of sexual feelings, and lack of skills and confidence in their sexual expression.
”During sex, a phenomenon that Western psychologists call premature ejaculation happens to 75% of men, preventing them from experiencing a deep union. What this usually means is that the man has not allowed his partner to develop her energy into an orgasm. As a result, in normal sexual relations the percentage of women experiencing frustration and no orgasm may be as high as 80%.” (3)
Can you imagine when this situation persists? The results are performance anxiety, lack of self confidence, feelings of embarrassment, frustration and shame, lack of sexual fulfillment and deep suffering.
I am a firm believer in ejaculation control as a solution to World Peace, starting at home, by creating more sexual fulfillment. My personal contribution to this are two beautiful audio tapes: A step-by-step Sexercise Training which teaches Total Ejaculation Control and how to prepare the body for male multiple orgasm and A Guided Erotic Journey/The perfect companion to the Sexercise Training in which ”Ishtara” reveals more of her sexual secrets and takes the listener “into the world of sacred pleasure and endless ecstasy”.
The absence of a rite of initiation into malehood with proper sexual training also contributes to male sexual wounding. Men are not trained to know how to love women. A man’s first experience of female love is with his mother. This relationship will determine a man’s capability to love and trust a woman. Most men have been severely wounded from deeply unfulfilled mothers who projected their own needs, dreams and expectations onto their sons. The son often became a substitute for an absent father and lover.
A man’s fear of women’s control affects how willing he is to surrender to women’s sexual power. His unconscious fear of women’s inexhaustible sexual power confronts him with his vulnerability, especially if he fails to meet his own expectations as a sexual performer. His desire for control is challenged by a temperamental male phallus which can let him down at any given moment without notice. We call it “cuming” while it should be called “going.” Because, unless a man learns to transmute his energy before he ejaculates, once he “cums” he is gone. His energy and his interest in his partner are gone. The man who repeatedly experiences this lack of control over his sexual energy will often end up feeling powerless.
Such experiences of powerlessness may tap into a man’s earliest experience of having his genitals mutilated by circumcision:
“No one is aware of the deep implications and life-long effect of circumcision. All that takes place in the first days of life on the emotional level and shapes the pattern of all future reactions. How could a being aggressed in this way, while totally helpless, develop into a relaxed, trusting person?” (4)
”Could the trauma from this event have anything to do with our later feelings of shame about our bodies, our concern about the size of our penises, our anguish over sexual performance, our frozen feelings, or the male ability (liability?) to ignore pain? In order to begin healing our wounds we need to remember what happened to us and name it correctly. Cutting the genitals of newborn male babies is child sexual abuse. I encourage all men to join in ending this practice.” (5)
The more I read on the subject the more upset I become. (For additional information on circumcision, see bibliography at the end). (6)
A more recent factor which, unfortunately, has also contributed to men’s woundings is feminism with its oftentimes vehement objectification of men. In the spirit of retaliation there isn’t much room for discernment. Sensitive men took a hard blow, right under the belt, in their power center. While the male power structure was actually the object of attack, many receptive men’s personal power was blasted. On top of not having adequate male role models, now simply being a man was a cause of shame, blame and discrimination!
Finally, I am suggesting a last, yet certainly not the least, important factor of sexual woundings. It is the fear around sexuality which men have also inherited at a cellular level from patriarchal religions. Indeed patriarchal religions throughout the ages executed people for being sexually alive. The human body and its erotic power became a source of evil. What if, instead, it would have been considered a source of divine embodiment?
Perhaps the phenomena of the New Age man is a natural response to these woundings. I think it’s a rather creative one. These men have opened themselves to their intuitive and receptive side. They know how to be gentle and sensitive which is exactly what women wanted from men. The problem is that through this process, men have often lost the more bold, active and penetrating qualities required for personal power. In that way they’ve compromised their maleness. And of course it’s bound to affect their sexual power.
Whether or not modern man is in touch with his emotional pain, his body can’t lie. The most striking way that sexual wounding is affecting men is through prostate disease. In this country, over 50% of men experience prostate difficulties beyond the age 50 while prostate cancer is one of the leading cause of male death. The medical establishment treats the symptoms of prostate problems while ignoring their causes. Aside from the physical causes, shouldn’t we pay closer attention to the most obvious cause which is the surrounding environment: the quality of the air, water and food? Where you aware that the chemical substances present in the environment become particularly concentrated in the sexual organs?
At another level, the significance of the disease of the male sexual organ reflects the difficulty to convert this tremendous testosterone power used for wars and destruction of the planet into a creative, peaceful and sacred source of energy. It is time to collectively give birth to the peaceful warrior. We celebrate the wise man who can meet the wise woman in true power and equality, mutually supporting our freedom of Being divinely human.
I feel moved here to share part of my latest personal investigation in relation to healing. All my life, whether I could name it or not, there has been this deep undercurrent of isolation and distress at the core of my Being. I have devoted a great deal of time and energy trying to heal my core issues of abandonment, self-love and love of others. I finally came to feel that the primary focus of my investigation of Being was redirected to the “Core wound” of separateness from my essential nature,-and that the “Core wound” is at the root of all other psycho-physical wounds, limits and issues, and it is present in all beings. As a result an important shift in my process has occurred where I am experiencing a beginning and deepening of Freedom at the Heart of my Being. Since all this is fairly new I feel a certain level of vulnerability in sharing it here, and it’s as much as I can say for now. As this process keeps unfolding, I certainly will have more to say.
First of all, by getting out of denial to recognize that they’ve been wounded. By moving through the pain of these wounds, one can find the key to the true erotic self. This connection to the erotic self is our connection to the life force. It is sacred in itself and should not be exclusively limited to the pleasure of the senses. The highest Tantric exploration is where sex is not used as an escape, no matter how blissful it is, but as a means to know who We are. As long as we identify with the realm of the phenomenal we’re bound to be disillusioned. Once the key to know oneself is found, the whole body becomes the human receptacle, the holy grail, for erotic energy to move more freely and to be transformed into love, healing and creative expressions.
Secondly, men need to develop a whole new relationship with their penis. Most men are dissociated from their phallus. that’s why for many men, their relationship to their car, for instance, is so significant. It is the modern stereotype of sexual power and identity. Dissociation also occurs when men masturbate in a very mechanical way, like a sex machine, with high speed, force and intensity. This creates rigidity which over time becomes armoring in the body. The natural sensitivity for the more subtle sensations and feelings is lost. They’ve also lost the intimate connection with themselves and the richness of the whole erotic body. Their experience is a very limited one strictly localized in the genital area. For most men, orgasm equals ejaculation and love making becomes a performance and a race to orgasm. Moreover sex easily becomes a routine to release stress. The compulsive need for outside sources of stimulation, such as pornography and the use of fantasies as necessary conditions to get turned on, indicate the level of dissociation from the sexual organs.
Vulnerability is the essential condition to reclaim sexual power. I have found that this is probably the most difficult quality for men to express, particularly in intimate relationships. Although a man might be a great adept of sexual and spiritual disciplines, he may precisely have used these practices as a way of reinforcing his more refined egoistic sense of power and the denial of his emotional body.
A long time ago, men were initiated in the arts of love by women who were trained as sacred courtesans. I know I have been one of them. It is from this deep recognition that I felt called, in 1989, to begin to offer my sacred sexual healing work.
My work as a Sacred Initiatress has mainly consisted in instructing men and women in how to circulate their sexual energy throughout their whole body for the purposes of health, rejuvenation and sexual ecstasy. The techniques I have used are mainly based in ancient tantric and taoist systems although adapted to our modern needs.
By using the breath and specific muscles which I called “the pleasure muscles” a man can learn to delay his ejaculation and prolong his love making for extended periods of time, strengthen his erection, experience orgasm without ejaculating and learn to prevent prostate problems. You can only imagine what these benefits can do to a man’s self-confidence as a lover not to mention his partner’s sexual satisfaction.
I believe that this information should be available to everyone. I knew that my work as a Sacred Initiatress will sometime come to an end and I feel responsible for passing on the precious information that I have received.
I felt committed to making the essential instructions of my training available in an easy, concise and totally enjoyable way. That is how I created a personal guide and companion named Ishtara. With her sensuous voice she will keep encouraging the listener on his special intimate journey.
My joy keeps growing as more people come to discover the great value of these teaching tools. It is my personal contribution to men and the women who love them, on their sacred sexual journey. I’d like to complete this article by honoring the divine male in all of us with my poem.
1. Robert Bly, Iron John, 1990
2. Dr. Warren Farrel, Why Men Are the Way They Are, 1986.
3. Jwala, Sacred Sex, 1993.
4. Dr. Frederic Leboyer, Birth Without Violence, 1975.
5. Jed Diamond, The Silent Knife: Why isn’t Circumcision a men’s Issue? The warrior’s journey Home, 1994.
6. National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers (NOCIRC), P.O. Box 2512 San Anselmo, CA 94979-2512 USA
Come here and relax
Let the eternal feminine hold you tenderly
Come and penetrate softly
The fountains of silence
And rest in the depth
Of her golden cavern.
The return to innocence,
To the eternal womb of creation.
Let her hold you tenderly
While you be still and receive
The nectar of her inexhaustible passion
Relax
There is nothing to do
And nowhere to go
you’ve come here
To taste the ecstasy
That is your birthright.
Copyright 1995 Ishtara, Revised edition ,1999
“My breath is getting deeper, my body is letting go and I feel totally emerged in this loving energy uniting my partner and I. Time and space disappear and we are transported in this extraordinary ecstasy. I surrender to the intoxication of the senses and I hear myself saying…” It is absolutely divine!”.
The sexual experience leading to ecstasy reveals that orgasm in essence is a spiritual experience. Most of us, if only for an instant, have experienced ecstasy, whether this experience was one of a sexual nature or not.
Is it not this experience of wholeness and profound unity that we are all searching for through sexual union? The desire to recreate at will this type of experience is universally human. Yet is it possible to achieve? And how about the risk of giving myself away or”losing myself” into romantic pursuits?
Such questions have led the way to a deep spiritual journey for me. It took me to India and to Tantra. My training of ecstasy and intimacy and the conscious journey of transformation of my passion began 20 years ago at a non traditional tantric ashram.
While there I soon became disillusioned with seeking into sex what only Being can give. The tantric path took me into the fire of purification of all that needs to be dissolved: false identities, dreams and illusions.
It is about meeting One Self and at once a deep and total acceptance of life.
Tantra teaches the reconciliation of body and mind, of sexuality and spirituality and the reconciliation of all aspects of oneself. Contrary to the reputation it knows in the West, Tantra is not about sexual techniques aiming at miraculously liberating its practitioners. The tantric master Osho reminds us: ” Sex is only the beginning not the end, but if you miss the beginning you will also miss the end.”
Miranda Shaw, in her penetrating investigation “Passionate Enlightenment-Women in Tantric Buddhism” sheds light on outdated and fallacious notions of Tantra: “Monastic Buddhism had fostered an increasing emphasis upon philosophical dialectics, an elitist enterprise that is best pursued in a monastery and whose practitioners display a tendancy to devalue other aspects of life, overemphasizing the role of intellect in gaining enlightenment and losing sight of the capacities and potentials inherent in the body, the senses and the emotions. Tantra emerged as a corrective to this imbalance and as a witness to the fact that the mind does not provide sole access to knowledge. Passion and pleasure also represent primary sources of knowledge and power.”
Sacred Sexuality is the natural integration of sexuality and spirituality. Unfortunately this natural integration has been broken by the processes of acculturation and socialization. Most of us grow up hearing negative messages about our body and our sexuality. No wonder we often feel confused and fragmented sexually. For all of us this rupture has created not only a sexual but also a psychic wounding.
Orgasm is one of the most profound human experiences. It can serve as a powerful agent of reconciliation between the body and the spirit. The problem with our modern culture is that “we don’t have time” to stop. We have become obcessed with work and filled with stress. Sex like fast food is ingested quickly and mechanically and is also deprived of high quality nutrients.
The experience of ecstasy requires a letting go, a surrender, but for most of us this natural incline to letting go into pleasure has been suppressed from early childhood. Very early we learn to hold back our emotions. We deny our instincts. Later on we continue holding back our deep sounds of pleasure and our passion.
Pleasure through touch can be cultivated. Yet one must know how to stop and take time. To take the time to taste, to touch, to listen, to watch, to feel and to perceive through our senses. The time and space to love.
First we must know that this orgasmic power is possible then we can make the choice to open ourselves to it.
Despite all the information available today on sexuality and the last half century of studies measuring orgasm and the orgasmic potential, we are still very limited when it comes to our fullest pleasure potential.
The choice to open to one’s full orgasmic potential calls for an investigation of the negative thinking which sabotages our pleasure. Our capacity to accept pleasure depends on our self-image. The difficulty to accept our body by telling ourselves that ”my breasts are too small or are not firm enough, that my penis is too small or my ass is too big!” will make it so that we hold ourselves back preventing ourselves from receiving fulfilling sexual pleasure and ecstasy.
The task of freeing pleasure from its enslavement to the mind and its burden of negative identifications requires vigilance. Meditation plays an important role in the practice of vigilance. We come to realize that “We are not who we think we are”. The surrendering to pleasure becomes easier.
The first level relates to the woman who has never experienced orgasm or who doesn’t know for sure. The second level relates to the one and only experience of orgasm. The woman at this level may experience a great deal of frustration by attempting in vain to repeat an experience based on what she has known. The third level consists of experiencing orgasms in a precise and predictable way each time yet it is limited to one. The forth level refers to multiple orgasms.
The fifth level goes even further.
This continuous orgasmic state is a process in which one is carried away and which can carry on for hours at a time. As far as men are concerned the first level of orgasm is associated with ejaculation and is localized in the genitals. This level is rather mechanical and the man doesn’t have much control over its duration or its intensity. It is characterized by a build-up of tensions followed by a release which will be somewhat depleting of energy. It will often bring the sexual experience to an end. Otherwise, the man will repeat a similar cycle with repeated ejaculations.
The next level generally requires an appropriate training unless a man has discovered through his own experiment to separate ejaculation and orgasm. Body and breath awareness will help greatly here in knowing how to relax while building up arousal. Gradually the build-up of arousal once localized in the genitals can be spread through the whole body allowing for a full body orgasm to take place. The next step is multiple orgasms.
Taking responsibility for one’s pleasure I have often noticed within the women’s Sacred Sexuality groups in the last decade that women still leave the exclusive responsibility of their sexual satisfaction to their partner.
Body shame and unworthiness in regard to receiving pleasure will often stop a woman from expressing her intimate needs and desires. Communicating about sex takes courage, commitment and caring and it is fundamental in order to establish an intimate climate of trust inviting mutual discovery. This intimate communication skill will make it possible to go through the resistances in the way. The blockages which limit our capacity to fully enjoy sexual pleasure. Training one’s partner to know how to satisfy us sexually is a concrete way of taking responsibility for one’s pleasure. Cultivating the art of love can be done just as cultivating any other art form. It comes with patience, time, and practice.
Sacred Sexuality is the cultivation of the art of love. It offers an ongoing training for intimacy and the reconciliation of sex and spirit. Ecstasy is our birthright, it’s up to all of us and each of us to reclaim it!
The myth of the “ perfect breasts “ could be the most damaging stereotype to the female psyche to this day, because it means the rejection of the feminine in her most beautiful, natural, unique, and quintessential form.
Social objectification of the female body, particularly of the breasts, is bound to stigmatize any woman who doesn’t reflect the stereotype. This represents the great majority of women, since realistically only a rare few will conform to the ideal model.
The high incidence of female diseases and disorders such as breasts cancer , PMS, dysmenorrhea (menstrual cramps) , eating disorders , debilitating menopause, infertility and other female reproductive system disorders is indicative of the rejection of the feminine.
Healing the belief system which promotes inauthentic self image and values is necessary in order to reclaim the authentic feminine essence in body mind and spirit. It is the key to reclaiming our female health, wholeness and wisdom.
For the past twenty years I have been blessed with listening to women share their most intimate self, often revealing their deepest secrets. Giving a voice to the feelings that have too often been kept inside since childhood has proven to be very healing for many.
What keeps transpiring within the safety and sanctity of the women’s circles is the collective inheritance of women’s low self- image and self–worth, and the tremendous need for healing the split between body and spirit, love and sex, the masculine and the feminine within and without. When women are asked to share how they feel about their breasts they often express a very critical attitude. Many of them, unless they have had a breast implant, simply did not like their breasts.
Given the exploitive nature of our society it is no wonder that women find it difficult to accept their breasts as beautiful, and the rest of their body and their essence as perfect. Women are bombarded from a young age by mass marketing of low self esteem, escapism, and the notion that the only way she can prove her self worth is by complying to men’s approval. As a result, women have needed to shield their bodies, often at a considerable cost to their physical and mental well being.
A study done with young women between the ages of 18 to 22 illustrates that it is more important for them to look good than to feel good.
The desire to look good and adorn one’s body is universal and healthy. However when looking good has become more meaningful that feeling good, we must really question the health of our culture.
The female body has always been the object of male fascination and desire. There is undeniable archeological evidence that thousands of years ago, back in Goddess worshipping cultures, awe and mystery surrounded the female body. Not understanding how procreation worked, especially the role of the male, our ancient ancestors revered the female body, and imagined it a magical vessel.
In today’s simultaneously sex obsessed and sexually repressed culture we have lost the reverence for the female body. Barbie dolls, Playboy bunnies, and online porn babes who can pop up anytime on your computer screen have replaced the once revered mythological goddess figurine which symbolized female sexual power and fertility.
The yogic tradition offers an interesting map into the workings of the chakra system. Chakras mean wheels in sanscrit. When our vital energy is moving freely the wheels are spinning. Learning the mental and emotional issues related to each chakra help us to better understand the intricate connection between body and mind:
The fourth chakra for example is symbolic of self-love and our ability to feel “unconditional love.”
The bodily areas associated with the fourth chakra are the heart, breasts, lungs, ribs, upper back, and shoulders. According to Christiane Northrup Md, author of Women’s Bodies, “Emotional and psychological issues associated with ill health in the fourth chakra are an inability to give or receive love from self or others (nurturance), lack of forgiveness, grief, unresolved anger, hostility, criticism, and being judgmental.” (1)
– “Changing our beliefs may be the most difficult thing we need to do in life…because changing our beliefs is changing our identity,” says Gregg Braden in his audio-book -Spontaneous Healing of Beliefs –
I experienced a personal look at breast cancer after my mother had a mastectomy many years ago. I felt sad and powerless at the sight of her mutilated body. I asked myself how this could have possibly been prevented. My mother lacked the ability to either give or receive nurturing. As a result of her life threatening disease she has made important changes in her life, and as a fortunate result, the cancer is in complete remission.
When looking at the correlation between breast cancer and the emotions emanating from the corresponding chakra, it is as though with mastectomy we are literally cutting the female breast away and with it its ability to give and receive love. Healing the life-negating core belief that is at the center of our modern feminine identity, and replacing it with life affirming beliefs, is essential in the reclamation of the authentic feminine essence in body, mind and spirit.
Breast Massage, the priceless feminine treasure right at your fingertips.
Breast Massage is a key to self- nurturing, overall health and female orgasms.
In Chinese Sexology also called Sexual Qi Gong, breast massage is considered one of the many wonderful feminine treasures for health, longevity and heightened pleasure. Qi Gong believes that energy stagnation in our body causes imbalances and diseases. It uses breath and movement to direct the flow of energy (chi) throughout the body promoting health and well being.
Pay attention to the breasts. Kissing and caressing the breasts are important foreplay activities because the breasts are associated with three meridians: the pericardium, which is the tissue surrounding the heart; the liver which is the channel that runs directly through the genitals; and the stomach which runs about an inch and a half to the left and right of the genitals. When the breasts of either gender are stimulated , all three channels are stimulated. (3)
For North Americans in general, viewing breasts in a nonsexual way is not easy. The fact remains that breast tissue is like any other tissue- it needs to be touched and oxygenated. Some Qi Gong teachers are suggesting that wearing metal rims around the breasts such as the ones found in most bras on the market can interfere with the flow of energy (chi ) in the body with the risk of creating energy stagnation in the breasts. Massaging the breasts on a daily basis helps to reinforce the feelings of life force present in the breasts.
Here is the one of the priceless feminine treasures I have shared with my women’s circles for many years. Those who committed to a daily practice have enjoyed numerous benefits.
“A daily practice of the Deer Exercise, has regulated my hormones to the extent that it has reduced my hot flashes to 10 percent of what I had been experiencing, in just 3 months. This has really improved my quality of life and I am deeply grateful for that!”
A healthy diet and regular exercise combined with the practice increase the benefits:
The Deer exercise is an ancient health practice from the Taoist tradition known as a secret of longevity and rejuvenation. It is a workout of the sexual glands which helps to regulate all of the other glands in the body.
The Main Benefits:
“The Deer Exercise is designed to naturally and safely stimulate secretion of the hormones essentials for personal and sexual well-being. As a result you may find that you menstruate less heavily or even that your menstrual cycle ceases. According to Dr. Stephen Chang, (author of the Tao of Sexology) this is a benefit, as vital nutrients and energy that would otherwise be lost in the menstrual blood are reinvested. If your menstruation stops or decreases and you want it to continue as before, simply discontinue the exercise. In fact, missing even one day can be enough to return to a menstrual condition”. (2)
The Deer Exercise is performed in two steps. After about one month of practice, the muscle contractions will be easy to maintain, then you can combine both steps together. As you keep practicing the Deer Exercise, feel the fire or energy generated in your sexual glands rising upwards along the spine into the breasts and the head. Connect your mind with what your body is doing. A daily practice is recommended in order to build momentum and start seeing its wonderful benefits.
First Step
1. Sit naked or topless on a flat surface, pressing the heel of one foot with a firm pressure against the opening of the vagina and the clitoris; if it’s not comfortable to place your foot in this position, then place a fairly hard, round object, such as a tennis ball, against the opening of the vagina and clitoris. Placing an extra cushion under your buttocks can also help you to reach these points with your heel.
2. Rub your hands together vigorously to warm them up. Feel the heat of your body that is being directed into the palms of your hands.
Place a hand on each breast (same side) so that you feel the heat from your hands enter the skin of your breasts.
Imagine a fountain coming from the earth moving upwards in between and around your breasts. Rub your breasts slowly and fully in outward, circular motions. around but not touching the nipples Your right hand will turn counter-clockwise, your left clockwise. Circle 36 times in that direction. Love your breasts as they are.
Change direction and circle 36 times. This time, draw light golden energy from the cosmos moving down between and around your breasts. The touch in this direction is lighter, more ethereal. Massaging the breasts activates the the ovaries which then stimulates all the other glands in the body.
Second Step
This part can be done sitting, standing or lying down. You may remain in the same position as in Part One.
Tighten the muscles of the vagina and the anus as if you were trying to close both openings. Contract the same muscles as if you were trying to stop the flow of urine. Contract deeper as if you were trying to hold back a bowel movement, further contracting the anal muscles. Hold these muscles tight for as long as you comfortably can. Keep breathing into your abdomen and relax all other muscles.
Stop and fully relax the anal and vaginal muscles between the contractions. Repeat the anal and vaginal contractions as many times as you wish. When your muscles get stronger, coordinate the anal and vaginal contractions with your inhalation, while releasing them on your exhalation.
Enjoy Breast Massage as it is a very practical way for women to Awaken the Goddess Within* 4. since it is all about self nurturing and connecting body, mind and spirit. As you massage your breasts keep relaxing into your worthiness. Remember that you are as goddess as it gets!
Sexual Educator and international Sacred Sex Teacher Maryse Cote has helped thousands of individuals and couples over the past 20 years with enhancing awareness on the union of Sexuality and Spirituality, Love and Sex, Intimacy & Relationships. Through her school Ishtara Seminars she offers certification training in Tantra & Sexual Healing. www.sacredsexsecrets.com
1. Northrup, Christiane, M.D. , Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, Creating physical and emotional health and healing, Bantam Book, 1994, p.88
2. Ramsdale, David and Ellen, Sexual Energy, Ecstasy, Peak Skill, 1991, p. 107
3. Cote, Maryse, Awakening the Goddess within, Discovering the Sacred Erotic, Women’s training Manual, 2008, 10 pages.
Dunas, Felice, Ph.D., with Goldberg,Philip, Passion Play, Ancient Secrets for a Lifetime of Health and Happiness Through Sensational Sex, Riverhead Books, 1997, p.79
“My breath is getting deeper, my body is letting go and I feel totally immerged in this loving energy uniting my partner and I. Time and space disappear and we are transported in this extraordinary ecstasy. I surrender to the intoxication of the senses and I hear myself saying…” It is absolutely divine!”.
The sexual experience leading to ecstasy reveals that orgasm in essence is a spiritual experience. Most of us, if only for an instant, have experienced ecstasy, whether this experience was one of a sexual nature or not.
Is it not this experience of wholeness and profound unity that we are all searching for through sexual union? The desire to recreate at will this type of experience is universally human. Yet is it possible to achieve? And how about the risk of giving myself away or”losing myself” into romantic pursuits?
Such questions have led the way to a deep spiritual journey for me. It took me to India and to Tantra. My training of ecstasy and intimacy and the conscious journey of transformation of my passion began 20 years ago at a non traditional tantric ashram.
While there I soon became disillusionned with seeking into sex what only Being can give. The tantric path took me into the fire of purification of all that needs to be dissolved: false identities, dreams and illusions.
It is about meeting One Self and at once a deep and total acceptance of life.
Tantra teaches the reconciliation of body and mind, of sexuality and spirituality and the reconciliation of all aspects of oneself. Contrary to the reputation it knows in the West, Tantra is not about sexual techniques aiming at miraculously liberating its practitioners. The tantric master Osho reminds us: ” Sex is only the beginning not the end, but if you miss the beginning you will also miss the end.”
Miranda Shaw, in her penetrating investigation “Passionate Enlightenment-Women in Tantric Buddhism” sheds light on outdated and fallacious notions of Tantra: “Monastic Buddhism had fostered an increasing emphasis upon philosophical dialectics, an elitist enterprise that is best pursued in a monastery and whose practitioners display a tendancy to devalue other aspects of life, overemphasizing the role of intellect in gaining enlightenment and losing sight of the capacities and potentials inherent in the body, the senses and the emotions. Tantra emerged as a corrective to this imbalance and as a witness to the fact that the mind does not provide sole access to knowledge. Passion and pleasure also represent primary sources of knowledge and power.”
Sacred Sexuality is the natural integration of sexuality and spirituality. Unfortunately this natural integration has been broken by the processes of acculturation and socialization. Most of us grow up hearing negative messages about our body and our sexuality. No wonder we often feel confused and fragmented sexually. For all of us this rupture has created not only a sexual but also a psychic wounding.
Orgasm is one of the most profound human experiences. It can serve as a powerful agent of reconciliation between the body and the spirit. The problem with our modern culture is that “we don’t have time” to stop. We have become obcessed with work and filled with stress. Sex like fast food is ingested quickly and mechanically and is also deprived of high quality nutrients.
The experience of ecstasy requires a letting go, a surrender, but for most of us this natural incline to letting go into pleasure has been suppressed from early childhood. Very early we learn to hold back our emotions. We deny our instincts. Later on we continue holding back our deep sounds of pleasure and our passion.
Pleasure through touch can be cultivated. Yet one must know how to stop and take time. To take the time to taste, to touch, to listen, to watch, to feel and to perceive through our senses. The time and space to love.
First we must know that this orgasmic power is possible then we can make the choice to open ourselves to it.
Despite all the information available today on sexuality and the last half century of studies measuring orgasm and the orgasmic potential, we are still very limited when it comes to our fullest pleasure potential.
The choice to open to one’s full orgasmic potential calls for an investigation of the negative thinking which sabotages our pleasure. Our capacity to accept pleasure depends on our self-image. The difficulty to accept our body by telling ourselves that ”my breasts are too small or are not firm enough, that my penis is too small or my ass is too big!” will make it so that we hold ourselves back preventing ourselves from receiving fulfilling sexual pleasure and ecstasy.
The task of freeing pleasure from its enslavement to the mind and its burden of negative identifications requires vigilance. Meditation plays an important role in the practice of vigilance. We come to realize that “We are not who we think we are”. The surrendering to pleasure becomes easier.
The first level relates to the woman who has never experienced orgasm or who doesn’t know for sure. The second level relates to the one and only experience of orgasm. The woman at this level may experience a great deal of frustration by attempting in vain to repeat an experience based on what she has known. The third level consists of experiencing orgasms in a precise and predictable way each time yet it is limited to one. The forth level refers to multiple orgasms.
The fifth level goes even further.
This continuous orgasmic state is a process in which one is carried away and which can carry on for hours at a time. As far as men are concerned the first level of orgasm is associated with ejaculation and is localized in the genitals. This level is rather mechanical and the man doesn’t have much control over its duration or its intensity. It is caractherised by a build-up of tensions followed by a release which will be somewhat depleting of energy. It will often bring the sexual experience to an end. Otherwise, the man will repeat a similar cycle with repeated ejaculations.
The next level generally requires an appropriate training unless a man has discovered through his own experiment to separate ejaculation and orgasm. Body and breath awareness will help greatly here in knowing how to relax while building up arousal. Gradually the build-up of arousal once localized in the genitals can be spread through the whole body allowing for a full body orgasm to take place. The next step is multiple orgasms.
Taking responsibility for one’s pleasure I have often noticed within the women’s Sacred Sexuality groups in the last decade that women still leave the exclusive responsibility of their sexual satisfaction to their partner.
Body shame and unworthiness in regard to receiving pleasure will often stop a woman from expressing her intimate needs and desires. Communicating about sex takes courage, commitment and caring and it is fundamental in order to establish an intimate climate of trust inviting mutual discovery. This intimate communication skill will make it possible to go through the resistances in the way. The blockages which limit our capacity to fully enjoy sexual pleasure. Training one’s partner to know how to satisfy us sexually is a concrete way of taking responsibility for one’s pleasure. Cultivating the art of love can be done just as cultivating any other art form. It comes with patience, time, and practice.
Sacred Sexuality is the cultivation of the art of love. It offers an ongoing training for intimacy and the reconciliation of sex and spirit. Ecstasy is our birtright, it’s up to all of us and each of us to reclaim it!
The following article is an excerpt from Maryse’s upcoming E-Book:
Today’s women carry the traumatic imprints of millennia of injury and humiliation on a cellular level in their wombs and bodies. These memories are reaffirmed as women experience painful childbirth, abortions, forceful sex and unfulfilled, incomplete orgasms. Most women choose to compromise their vast potential by remaining in a state of denial about their own sexual needs, wants and desires. Conditioned by the media to feel insecure about their bodies and to compete with their sisters for available men, women feel disenfranchised and seldom realize their full sexual prowess.
The first step is to stop denying and to inform ourselves as to what has happened to women- how we have lost our power to patriarchal religions that deny both our sexuality and our spirituality. Since our sexuality and spirituality are inextricably connected, denying either of them denies our wholeness. Such denial leaves us fragmented beings searching for an identity which doesn’t lie in the inaccurate models of a male dominated, sexually repressive culture. The only models of women that the patriarchal religions have provided for both men and women are those of the virgin-mother or the whore.
In order to enshrine these inadequate and inaccurate models, the patriarchal religions have had to demonize women, considering our basic spiritual natures synonymous with sin. Also, they have attempted to eradicate feminine mystery religions. The sacred, mystical feminine spirituality and its religious expressions were banished by these patriarchs, leaving the woman reduced to slavery. They were at the mercy of misogyny in all aspects of social life. Such atrocities as the witch burnings ordered by the highest priests were unbridled attempts to destroy the divine feminine. In its place we have been expected to identify with either the demonized whore or the sacred but asexual virgin-mother.
Having seen with clear eyes what has happened to us as women, we may come to better understand why we are still deeply conditioned because of what it still culturally means to be in a woman’s body. The second crucial step is to recognize that our sacred sexuality is what has been lost, and the experience of ourselves as the sacred embodiment of the divine feminine. By coming together in sacred circle, we can tap into our collective unconscious as women. By thus recognizing our feminine power and its richness within ourselves, we can begin to redefine the male/female paradigm and go beyond the prevalent and limited dualistic view of form and gender.
In seeking to reconcile sexuality and spirituality, male and female, light and darkness while embracing all aspects of myself I found an ancient non-dualistic path which became my life’s journey. This path is known as Tantra.
There is no single school of Tantra to which I can credit the levels of initiation I have received in this lifetime. My greatest teacher has been life. The constant thread has been my deep commitment to free my Self while healing the deep wound of abandonment I experienced as an orphan and later on as an adopted child. Romantic love has been an essential theme in my life. I kept opening and closing my heart, perpetuating my deep pattern of abandonment until I no longer needed to reenact it. Finally I could separate “my story” from who I truly am, that which has remained untouched.
I am not suggesting here that all wounds need to be healed before one realizes this liberation because it is not required. What is important is that sufficient energy and attention are being liberated through the healing/ spiritual journey for consciousness to be free. Therefore I can’t emphasize enough how strongly I feel about healing emotional wounds as an essential part of the Tantric work.
I was abandoned at birth and spent the beginning of my life in an orphanage. The separation from my mother was traumatic and set the stage for a deep spiritual quest to find out who I am. My life became a powerful healing journey.
My first true initiation into Tantrism began at a nontraditional Tantric ashram, in India in the late seventies. A series of intense initiations there, including major illnesses, transformed my life forever.
At that stage, I started to awaken to my powerful gift as a healer. At the ashram I received a special facilitator’s training in Breath Therapy/Rebirthing. It is then that I had a glimpse of the sexual healing work I would be doing later on. That training immediately took me back to my core issue of abandonment. Intense catharsis started to release me from a very rigid, sexually oppressive and dysfunctional Catholic upbringing.
Letting go of this extra psycho-emotional baggage prepared me to experience mahamudra samadhi, a deep merging with all that is, for the first time in my life. I then experienced my heart opening through sex with a partner and I felt totally ecstatic.
Although I recognized my ecstatic nature through lovemaking, I later realized that my “ground of being” could not rely on life’s external circumstances to realize itself as consciousness. This level of realization was a spiritual break-through and the culmination of a long Self-investigation .I came to realize that I am that love which I was – seeking to find outside of myself. How that experience permeated my body-mind-spirit simply cannot be put in words.
Every step on the journey is important. Awakening to my “shakti energy,” my feminine power, has been such an important one. I have come to realize that, as women, we are all embodiments of the divine feminine. My deep call is to initiate other women into the unfolding mysteries of our feminine power.
In 1981, after India, I started teaching Breath Therapy/Rebirthing workshops. Eighteen years and many powerful Tantric initiations, teachers and lovers later, this vision has unfolded into what is my work today. I have worked with thousands of men and women as instructor, sexual healer, sacred priestess and facilitator of sacred spaces where intense healing takes place.
It dawned on me years before I really began working with women that men have never had proper sexual training and therefore needed to be trained. When the average man’s sexual performance is reduced to a few minutes of intercourse before he ejaculates – need we say how inhibiting it is to the woman -whose body from a tantric point of view is the source of unlimited sexual ecstasy? Is it so surprising that such a high rate of women complain about lack of sexual desire?
Designing and teaching a men’s personal sexual training program has been my way of addressing this situation and my personal contribution to world peace! In it, I use basic Tantric and Taoist practices to control ejaculation, enhance vitality, deepen intimacy and heighten pleasure. This basic training for men is now available by subscription from my audio library (see Products) : “The Multi-Orgasmic Lover Training Vol.1 & 2 and A Guided Erotic Journey; The perfect companion to the Multi-Orgasmic Lover Training“.
Be the Man of her Fantasies; How to give her pleasure beyond her wildest dreams! An explicit audio guide to Female Sexual Satisfaction ( also available from the Audio Library; see Products )
Sometimes people wonder, ‘Why does it seem so natural for you to teach men? I say: ” You understand, I grew up with six brothers. I was the oldest and the only girl. This was the beginning of my teaching career”. Later on I became a high school teacher of French and history.
As I pursued Tantra, I continued healing the wounds left from my cultural and religious inheritance. I have increasingly felt a need for solidarity with other women, to reclaim our sisterhood and its inherent power. I have been strongly guided to gather women together in sacred circles where we would have a container to receive our common intention, our common determination, our common commitment to liberate, to heal, and to empower ourselves as we get to know who we are. We share similar pasts, we live in a similar present. We can co-create our vision of a balanced, holistic, ecstatic, sensual, artistic, loving, spiritual, creative, peaceful, exciting future, where we all can fully embrace and embody every aspect of ourselves as women.
Following this vision and guidance, I felt devoted to working with women. In many ancient cultures with strong esoteric foundations, the woman was the Initiatress. And so it is with Tantra.
I felt that we needed to restore our birthright as women with rites of passage–to make sacred those important changes which occur in our bodies and psyches, birth, menarche, sexual awakening, lovemaking, giving birth, menopause, death.
For women who are ready to be initiated into their sacred sexuality, I designed “Sacred Journey into Women’s Sexuality”, an empowering journey to heal, free and celebrate our sacred erotic power. My work creates safe conditions that facilitate the reconciliation of our sexuality and spirituality. It is designed to awaken the ecstatic body and to burn through the old negative programming while expanding consciousness.
Powerful orgasmic breath processes, erotic dancing, sensual rituals, the healing power of touch are only a few of the practices involved in this transformational journey.
The deepening transformation I myself have experienced, the tears of joy, the laughter, the risks taken, the breakthroughs I have shared with these women have been a continual blessing and continues to enrich my work.
From this place of our integrated power we welcome men who have made the choice to honor the feminine within and without. We are reclaiming our role as Initiatresses of the arts of love according to the Tantric tradition. As healers, sacred prostitutes, temple dancers, mothers, lovers, and priestesses, we are consecrating the new paradigm of woman as the source and embodiment of the divine feminine.
For those of you who feel in their heart as I do, that this work is crucial to expanding collective consciousness, for those of you who understand our personal responsibility to free who we are as sexual beings; for those of you interested in supporting this vision in any way you can, please know that your support is greatly appreciated. Promoting this work in the world has become a shared, collective responsibility. Together we do make an important difference.
